Ms. No Single Mama Drama’s Blog

I hate child abuse–as a child, I experienced various degrees of abuse, so I can’t stand to see any child abuse in any way.   And, there’s absolutely no excuse in the world for it, except in cases like mine where my abuser was/is mentally ill.  However, even then, there are resources availble to families of the mentally ill to ensure the child(ren’s) safety. And, if a child is being abused, by a mentally ill parent, they should be removed from the household. Period. Why? Child abuse leaves emotional and mental scars that remain long after the physical wounds have healed.

Please watch the video below. Please note: The video is not suitable for children:

Imagine what a wonderful world it would be if no child were abused.  Would we rid ourselves of career criminals, serial killers, etc.? Sandra Hanks Benoiton blogged about an Web site that makes the assertion that kids that are adopted (and probably those that have been victims of child abuse), have a higher rate of becoming serial killers than the general population. 

If that’s true (and I’m not saying it is), but if it’s true, could we completely change criminal behavior by just protecting our children from abuse?  Tell me what you think? 

Also, I’m looking for information related to single parenting and child abuse stats and, more specifically, infanticide (where the parent takes the life of his/her child(ren).  If anyone has information, please send me the link by leaving the informaiton here.

Thank you,

Peace, love and blessings
Ms. No Single Mama Drama

Single parenthood isn’t something that comes highly recommended. In fact, I wouldn’t recommended it for most people.

And, throw in single parenthood adoption and most might think that it is an invitation to drama. And, you would be right–partly, that is. The other part would be dead wrong.

So, why am I –as a single mother–considering “inviting” drama into my life. Well, the answer is really simple and really complex. First, I absolutely love being a mother–there is no greater reward than loving a child –through good and bad times–and being loved back unconditionally. Second, I’m not ready to give up my title as mother. Though I can’t physically have any more children, my biological clock is a tickin’, if you know what I mean. Third, motherhood gives me a sense of purpose that I can’t get from a job or a relationship with a mate. Fourth, I love children and want more; in fact, I’ve always wanted to have six (6) kids or more. Fifth, I feel that I’m at a point in my life that I can give a child, especially a child with special needs, (that is, one that has been abused by their biological parent(s) and, as a consequence, has severe emotional and behaviorial issues) love, comapassion and a safe and secure home.

So, this week, I initiated the process and expressed interest in three children: two siblings and another non-related child. Today, I received a referral and some other related information on the process, which can take 4-6 months, just to become approved.

I’m not naive to child abuse or emotional and physical behavioral problems. I’ve dealt one-on-one with children with severe emotional trauma–so I’m not scared of the challenge. I’ve seen a few of these children–with love and attention–develop into productive people, and I was glad that I was a part of their lives when they needed me. Additionally, I was a troubled child with emotional issues that developed into a productive person, so I know what the right love and attention can do to someone’s life.

I’m not sure what the future will hold–but I know that I am doing the right thing.

And, my fifteen-year-old son is excited about possibly expanding our family.

If you are a single parent that has adopted a child/ren or know someone that has, please feel free to share your/their experiences.

Peace, love and blessings,
Ms. No Single Mama Drama

Happy New Year (and, Happy Birthday to me!)  Yup! I’m one of those unfortunate holiday babies–but for the first time, in a long while, my mom actually remembered to call me for my birthday (without me having to remind her, like I do everyone else. I chock it up to alcohol-induced parties from the night before and not that people don’t love me–well, at least it makes me feel better

Like most people–I usually make resolutions, only to lose steam before Valentine’s day.  Not this year.  This year, I’m not making a single resolution; instead, I’m just setting goals–small, do-able goals.  Nothing fancy or too grand to accomplish.  For instance, one of my goals will be to excercise three times a week (one (1) weekday and Saturday and Sunday), which is much more realistic for my single mom lifestyle. 

Here’s is a list of my top goals for 2008:

(1) Spend more quality time with my son, if he lets me.  
Since he’s teenager (15), he’s not spending too much time with mommy; most of his time goes to the fabulous PS3 I bought him for x-mas, his sports and his friends–go figure!

(2) Adopt a child, preferably a girl. 
I’ve got the kid, who’s going off to college in two years–and, I’m not ready to give up on motherhood–heck, I’m not even 40 yet.  But, most of all, I really enjoy motherhood–it has been the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done, and I still have a lot of love to give.  I’ve already initated the process, so I’ll keep you posted on how the adoption process goes, especially for a single mother.

 (3) Respect God’s Temple
Besides excercising three (3) days per week, I also want to try to drink more water and eat more veggies.  I’ve had a host of minor health-related issues that I’m determined to avoid this year.

(4) Blog more often.
For some reason, I feel really good when I blog.  Maybe it has something to do with having some alone time and a purpose; whatever the case, I really enjoy the connection with people and words, so I need to find the time to do it more often.  Today starts my 30 posts in 30 days challenge. 

(5) Be more social.
I’m not a social butterfly, but I think I need to be.  I do enjoy other folks company–just not all the time.  However, I do really value the relationships I have in my life. So, I need to show it by spending time with the people that I love.  And, that’s what I aim to do.

(6) Pay off my car.
I’m determined to pay off my car by June.  I’ve started looking for a job that pays more money and for positions within my organizationm where I can make more money. I’m already earning extra money with my side hustles. But I also want to pay off my house in five years, so I know I’ll at least be working five more years and need a bigger paycheck to make that happen. Also, I’ve cut out a lot of unnecessary spending –and guess what? I feel a sense of accomplishment that is unreal.

These aren’t all of my 2008 goals, of course, but enough, for now.

So, what are your goals for 2008?

Single motherhood is full of challenges all by itself! Throw in a full-time job, the kids’ extracurricular activities, and a social life and the dream of owning your own business can seem daunting, at best.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Here are some tips to help you turn an idea into the business of your dreams:

# 1 Start With a Plan
You know the old adage: Failing to plan is planning to fail. Well, a good business idea can only be achieved through a well-thought out plan. Initially, it doesn’t have to be fancy–it can be something really simple and basic as a bulleted list on a scratch piece of paper. The point is that you have a plan. Remember, it can always be fleshed out later.

#Perfection Will Get You No Where–Fast
Too often, as mothers, we want to do everything just right; so much so, in fact, that we sometimes miss opportunities that could have taken us to the next level in our careers or our businesses. Don’t let perfectionism steal your opportunities to succeed. Sometimes, it’s just better to get the thing started than it is for it to be perfect. You can always perfect it later, if necessary.

#3 Believe in Yourself When Nobody Else Does
Just because you’re a single mother, it doesn’t mean you have to put your dreams on hold, especially your dream of entrepreneurship. Even if no one else believes that you can do it, believe in yourself. Soon enough, after people see that you have an unfaltering determination to make your business succeed, they will jump on the bandwagon and offer support. But it all starts with YOU believing in YOU, your IDEA, your SKILLS, your EXPERIENCE, your BACKGROUND and what YOU want to accomplish for YOUR CHILDREN.

Got more tips on how to make Single Mompreneurship happen? Discuss them here.

Are you single mother new to Atlanta with no friends or family and NO THANKSGIVING PLANS?

As a single mother, who was in the same situation five years ago, I know how you feel. In my case, my son and I ended up homeless–in a new city with no friends or family, just angels! Recently, God blessed me with a home (yes, it’s possible to go from homelessness to homeownership in five years! with God’s help, of course), and I would like to share my new home with 10 single mothers and their children for Thanksgiving.

Warning: I don’t have much, but what I do have I’m willing to share with you. That means, I only have two couches, so most will have to sit on the floor. I don’t have any dining/kitchen tables or chairs, so again, you have to not mind sitting on the floor. Also, because I’m a single mother on limited budget (sound familiar), I am asking you to bring store-bought side dishes (to ensure health and safety), drinks or paper plates and utensils. I have a list of what is needed.

You’re welcome to bring movies and/or games for the kids to play. You’re also welcome to bring your own chairs (lol).

If interested, e-mail me back (with a one-paragraph description of your story), and I’ll register you for the Thanksgiving dinner. Sorry, my house is not big, so I can only accommodate 10 single mothers and their kids.

DONATIONS: For those interested in donating food, chairs, games and/or time for this event, please e-mail me. Thank you in advance!

Can’t wait to meet you!

Ms. No Single Mama Drama
And remember, as always, keep it moving and keep it drama free!

As temperatures start to dip, finding ways to stay comfortably warm, while keeping winter utility bills in check is my latest mission. Because I’m anemic, I’m always cold anyway, so when the temperatures in Atlanta dip (I’m a native So-Cal gal), my body can’t take it—even though I’ve lived here for five years!

For me, cold weather is something I just can’t get used to—until I get that high utility bill, that is. Then, the cold doesn’t seem that bad (wink, wink).

If you’re looking for ways to stay warm and ensure that you don’t have a $400 utility bills (I’ve had those in the past and that’s straight ugly), here are some tips:

Don’t Use Your Central Heat and Air!
This is about common sense, really. Why warm up your entire house when you’re only using a few rooms. Unless you live somewhere where temperatures are at freezing or below, there’s no need to use central heat every day. Central heat is the most expensive type of heating you can use, so if you can’t afford to heat your entire house, don’t do it. That money could be used for something else, like extra blankets…lol.

Wear Extra Clothing.
I used to think my mother (a single mother, too) was out of her mind when she refused to turn on the heat and made us put on extra clothing during what I now know are southern California’s mild (well almost non-existent) winters. Now, as a single mother, my mission is to make my money stretch, so I’m glad my mother taught me how to feel good in raggedy pair of sweats and furry house shoes…lol. You’ll be surprised how adding few layers of clothing can stave off the cold—to a certain extent.

Use Space Heaters
For me, space heaters are the best thing in the world. Because I’m always cold, it allows me to heat up the area or room I’m in, without making anyone else uncomfortable. Additionally, the savings realized in comparison to heating the whole house versus just the rooms that are in use is significant. Click here to read Mr. Electricity’s take on how to heat your home efficiently with space heaters.

Here is my favorite space heater in the world; this space heater heats up a room like nobody’s business and adds less than $10.00/per month, per room to my electric bill! However, your bill may vary, depending on your usage. I bought two (one for my son’s room and one for mine) for $34.99 each at Lowe’s (online prices vary). Though they’re kind of large, they are small enough to tote from room to room, if needed. I highly recommend this space heater:

Click here to read the details.

Weather Strip Your Windows and Doors.
I recently bought some window weather stripping for $2.94 (2 rolls/20 ft., enough to do several windows) at Wal-Mart. I had a severe draft in my bedroom from the windows, so I decided to see if this would work – well, it’s not 100% but it significantly decreased the draft, which makes sleeping in my room much more comfortable–and it was incredibly easy to do!

Drink Hot Liquids.
This is a no-brainer, too. I love my cold drink as much as the next person, but when it gets cold, I swap my Crystal Light (love that stuff) for hot tea or sugar-free hot coco. And, best of all, it keeps me nice and warm.

Here are some articles on how to winterize your home or apartment:

About.com Winterization Tips

Get Rich Slowly’s Tips

So, to combat the unavoidable and even less predictable financial drama that always seems to find its way into a single mother’s life, I went on a hunt to Wal-Mart with only five bucks and a mission: How to stretch five bucks to the max! Here’s a list of five-buck deals at Wal-Mart!

1) Incredible Head $3.42 (No…get your mind out of the gutter…it’s not what you’re thinking..wink, wink!)

Think a great shower head has to cost a lot? Well, think again! This nifty little shower head provides an awesome showering experience, complete with two adjustable intensities: normal and mist. Now that’s five-buck deal! I love this thing! Read reviews here.

2) Rake $3.97
(Please Note: The rake pictured below is not the exact rake is not the exact rate I purchased for $3.97; check your local Wal-Mart store, as they list more expensive rakes online, of course.)

Remember when I told you about all the leaves in my back yard? Well, I finally decided to bite the bullet and clean the yard myself, since I can’t really afford to pay someone to do it, so I bought a rake. However, this may change since my doctor is testing me for Lyme’s Disease (Yuk!).

3) Six Pair of Boy’s Athletic Socks $3.48 – this week’s circular!

4) Family A-Line Slippers $5.00 (Men’s, Women’s and Children’s sizes) Perfect for X-Mas; in this week’s circular!

5) Tylenol Cold Multi-Symptom (Daytime and Nightime) $4.96 - With cold season right around the corner, you can never have enough medicine to keep the sniffles away from the little ones!

As is the case for most single mothers, I find that financial drama is the leading cause of most of my stress. From not having a enough in a savings account for emergencies to worrying about paying winter heating bills, financial drama is a constant in a single mother’s life, including my own. Read more here>>

Ms. No Single Mama Drama Mouths Off:

If you think that living together is better than not living together, think again. In my opinion, living together can do more harm than good. First, it sends the wrong message to children. It says that I’m good enough for this man to live with and sleep with but not good enough for him to marry. To girls, it says my mother doesn’t value herself, so why should I? To boys, it says that if it’s okay for a man to treat my mom that way, then it must be okay for me to treat all women that way. Wrong!

If you think it’s okay…watch this video to see what you’re condoning:

Until June, I was involved in a four-year relationship (we cohabitated for three) that worked well for me and my boyfriend, but did not work for our kids. Though there was a lot of love and we tried to provide a family-like atmosphere, our house was still filled with drama because our kids were confused. I was so stressed out that I didn’t know what to do.

One day in church, God spoke to me and said, “move out of that house ASAP, and I will bless you with a peaceful household”. And though I felt like I was breaking my “family” up, I wasn’t. We were never a family in the first place. In order for that to happen, we would have to be married and that’s not something that either one of us is ready for, so we decided to sacrifice our happiness to obey God and do what’s best for our children: live separately.

And isn’t that what parenting is about…sacrificing our happiness for that of our child(ren)?

In September, with God’s help (I’ll write a post about this soon), I purchased a home and have had a sense of peace that I know is a gift from God. See how God honors his promises and rewards sacrifices?

As single mothers, we have an obligation to value ourselves for the sake of our children—it is our responsibility and ours alone. If we don’t value ourselves, who will? If we don’t teach our children how to value themselves, who will?

Here’s some soul food to nibble on:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Peace, love and blessings and, of course, keep it drama free.

Ms. No Single Mama Drama
Got questions? Ask me!

Side Hustles - Part III: Make Extra Cash

Ms. No Single Mama Drama’s Top Side Hustles – These are the ones that I, at one point or another, did to escape financial drama. Yes, I did every one of these at some point or another, and I’m only thirty-something. So, you can, too! Warning: The list is LONG.

Water Seller
Sold water at parks/sporting events on super hot days

Candy House
We were the candy/ice cream apartment – My motto: “Don’t walk to the store, shop at apartment number 4” (lol)

Button Maker
Created buttons for schools, churches and local organizations fund raising efforts

Personalized Greeting Card Designer
Created personalized greeting cards (i.e. birthdays, anniversaries, etc)

Memory Book Maker
Created personalized memory books, including new births, weddings, anniversaries, family tree/history

Wedding/Party Favor Maker
Created personalized wedding favors – started with friends who referred customers to me

House Cleaner
Cleaned up friends/neighbors apartments for cash or barter

Medical Transcriptionist – Perfect for single mothers/stay-at-home moms
This is my favorite side hustle – I took this side hustle and parlayed it into a full-time career. I had the opportunity to work at home and in the office. Click here to learn how I learned Medical Transcription at home.

Freelance Copywriter (Advertising/Direct Mail)
Because I love to write (even before I earned a B.A. in English), I was able to earn additional income working as a freelance copy writer. I started writing for free and parlayed this into a career as well. Currently, I work as a Web Analyst/Web Content Editor.

Freelance Magazine Writer
My first paying magazine gig was for a local jazz/book review magazine, which only paid .02/per word. However, I built a portfolio of clips that eventually landed me in my current position. I have also worked as an editor of an indie magazine and a fact checker/editorial assistant at a national publication.

Graphic Designer
I started learning graphic design in high school. I continued to tinker with design throughout my other careers, volunteering to do graphic work for my employers. Again, I built a portfolio of work. I was then able to use my portfolio to land freelance gigs.

Web Designer/Web Analyst
In order to promote my freelance writing services, I needed a Web site, but I didn’t have the money to pay a designer. So, I decided I would build the site myself and did a pretty decent job with Yahoo! Sitebuilder. That experience landed me a full-time gig as a Web Design Services Quality Assurance Team Lead for a Web Design company within a few months of learning my new skills. I currently manage the content of a major government agency’s Web site.

Desktop Publisher
I used my “limited” design skills and Microsoft Publisher to create some pretty eye-catching newsletters for physicians that I did medical transcription for. See how you can provide additional services to an existing customer base?

E-Newsletter Editor/Print Publisher
I started an underground “mini magazine” and sold advertising to generate revenue.

Pre-Paid Legal Sales
I, along with my son, my boyfriend, and his son, sold Pre-Paid Legal services. Though I don’t sell this anymore – this is one service I wouldn’t be caught dead without.

Avon Sales Representative
When my son was an infant, I sold Avon to earn some extra cash.

Concert/Event Promoter
Now, this is where I shine! Before I had my son, I would get out there with the people have fun and make some money for real. I charged a fixed fee for promotions. I helped to promote some very popular Compton-based rappers in the late ‘80s (at the time, they were nobodys..lol).

Friday Night Fish Dinners – Cook’s Assistant/Salesperson
My friend and I were broke and needed rent money. With food stamps (this probably was illegal, but hey we were desperate and not saved at the time) and her cooking skills, we sold dinners on Friday nights. This little deal got so popular (mostly because of my friend’s cooking skills) that one day a fight broke out because we sold out of a BBQ dinner:&gt

So, as you can see, anything that you enjoy doing or would like to do is fair game as a side hustle. I like to experiment with new skills or career options (as you can see). That way, I can test my new dream career before actually committing to it. If you decide to turn it into a full-time gig, you can always show that you have valuable experience that people have been willing to pay you for.

Stay tuned for Part III - Side-Hustles: YOU and YOUR KIDS can start for $100.00 or less in a weekend.

Peace, love and blessings (and, as always, keep it drama free).