Get Over Your Baby’s Daddy Already!

Get Over Your Baby’s Daddy Already!

As a single mother, one of the most significant relationships that you will have going forward is with your child(rens)’s father. Whether you like it or not, once the relationship is over, it’s over and you need to move on.

But how do you move on when the hurt runs deep?

Well, in this show, we’ll walk you through the steps you need to take to get emotional distance from your baby’s daddy and how to cultivate a healthy relationship with him–despite the pain, the hurt and the drama– for the sake of your chid(ren).

If you want and need to move past the baby daddy drama–whether you’re the cause or not–this show is for you! No Single Mama Drama Radio, where we keep it real and drama free!

No Single Mama Drama Radio:
November 15, 2009 at 3 p.m. E.S.T.
Get Over Your Baby’s Daddy Already

No Single Mama Drama Radio – Date Change

For anyone who missed the show, here’s the archived version of the very first No Single Mama Drama Radio show: Side Hustle of the Week – Finding the Perfect Side Hustle for You! With special guest, Sonja Jones mom and CEO of Beautiful Brown Girl (www.beautifulbrowngirl.com)

No Single Mama Drama Radio Show

No Single Mama Drama is a weekly radio show aimed at helping single mothers live drama-free lives. We focus on all aspects of single motherhood and especially those that affect single mothers the most: relationship and financial drama. Includes discussion on my most popular blog series posts, Side Hustle of the Week. Airs weekly on Sunday afternoons from 3 – 4 p.m. E.S.T.

5 Signs Your Man is a Fool Called Crazy! Part I

5 Signs Your Man is Fool Called Crazy! Part I

I have dated my fair share of fools, and I’m sure you have, too. After all, it’s a numbers thing, if you think about it.  There’s a lot you can do to reduce the number of fools you run into, but that doesn’t mean you will avoid  them altogether.

Some fools have a way of slipping through the cracks. Slick, sleazy or grimey, a fool will get in where he can fit in, even if no one wants him there.

Are you undatable?

After being in a five-year relationship and taking a well-deserved break, I’m contemplating re-entering the dating scene.

Part of me says yes–the hopeless romantic part, the one that thinks with the heart. The other part of me, however, says heck naw! That would be the more logical part, the part that thinks with the head. The part that always wins. Well, not always, but for the sake of argument, play along. You promised, remember?

At this point, I’m not dating material. Or, girlfriend material. Not wifey material, either. So, I’ve deemed myself undatable. (Undatable is not officially a word, unless you’re officially…well, undatable…and I am, so it is…lol).

Now there’s nothing terribly wrong with me. No, I’m not perfect. Yes, I have my quirks. Everyone does, even if they don’t admit to them. I do. Actually, I have a thing about admitting my imperfections. I kind of get off on it, actually. I’m weird like that.

But why am I so undatable?

(1) I hate the dating scene. I’d much rather have a c-section without anesthesia than go out on date with different man every Saturday night. And, I hate all the pre-date drama that goes along with it. The planning. The gussying up. The being “on” of it all. And, especially, the hiding the date from my teen-aged son. I hate lying to him. I much prefer when the relationship gets to feel like your favorite pair of worn-out sneakers–that’s when it’s good and comfortable. That’s what I want, but I can’t get there without dating and since I’m not ready, I’m undatable.

(2) I kind of like the single life. I love being in a relationship; don’t get me wrong. But I’ve earned the right to be self-fish and just do me. Plus, I’m kind of enjoying getting re-acquainted with the person I unintentionally lost in my last relationship. She’s kind of interesting and pretty cool. I’d forgotten just how much, so I’m undatable.

(3) Dating requires compromise, I’m not ready to do that yet, so I’m undatable. Right now, if I don’t feel like watching a violent action flick or I don’t want to make my bed up, it’s not affecting anyone else but me. And, if I meet a so-called “good man” that’s 40 and financially insecure with an less than stellar work history, he doesn’t even register on the old date-o-meter. So, because I’ve rediscovered my pickiness (I know, I know…I can’t help it) and refuse to lower my standards or compromise, I’m undatable.

Plus, there’s a really gratifying sense of freedom in singlehood–even single motherhood, especially in single motherhood.

Being undatable is not a bad thing. No ma’am it’s not. Actually, it can be the very best thing in the world for you, your child and your future mate. After being a relationship of any significance, it’s always best to take a breather and rediscover one’s self. What do you like, love and not really care for about yourself? Are you happy with your station in life? Is there room for improvement?

I haven’t answered all the questions myself, which means I’m not ready. So, until I am, I’ll remain undatble and happily so:)

But the question is how undatable are you? Why?

Mouthing Off: Cohabitation and Kids

Ms. No Single Mama Drama Mouths Off:

If you think that living together is better than not living together, think again. In my opinion, living together can do more harm than good. First, it sends the wrong message to children. It says that I’m good enough for this man to live with and sleep with but not good enough for him to marry. To girls, it says my mother doesn’t value herself, so why should I? To boys, it says that if it’s okay for a man to treat my mom that way, then it must be okay for me to treat all women that way. Wrong!

If you think it’s okay…watch this video to see what you’re condoning:

Until June, I was involved in a four-year relationship (we cohabitated for three) that worked well for me and my boyfriend, but did not work for our kids. Though there was a lot of love and we tried to provide a family-like atmosphere, our house was still filled with drama because our kids were confused. I was so stressed out that I didn’t know what to do.

One day in church, God spoke to me and said, “move out of that house ASAP, and I will bless you with a peaceful household”. And though I felt like I was breaking my “family” up, I wasn’t. We were never a family in the first place. In order for that to happen, we would have to be married and that’s not something that either one of us is ready for, so we decided to sacrifice our happiness to obey God and do what’s best for our children: live separately.

And isn’t that what parenting is about…sacrificing our happiness for that of our child(ren)?

In September, with God’s help (I’ll write a post about this soon), I purchased a home and have had a sense of peace that I know is a gift from God. See how God honors his promises and rewards sacrifices?

As single mothers, we have an obligation to value ourselves for the sake of our children—it is our responsibility and ours alone. If we don’t value ourselves, who will? If we don’t teach our children how to value themselves, who will?

Here’s some soul food to nibble on:

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Peace, love and blessings and, of course, keep it drama free.

Ms. No Single Mama Drama
Got questions? Ask me!

Study Shows Cohabiting Bad for Kids

Study Shows Cohabiting Bad for Kids

In the May 2007 issue of Child Trends (Research Brief), an article titled, The Relationship Context of Births Outside of Marriage: The Rise of Cohabitation, states that over the past 30 years, child births outside of marriage have risen to 37 percent in 2005, compared with 22 percent in 1985. Additionally, the non-marital birth rate has increased from 32.8 in 1985 to 47.6 in 2005. While the changes have been seen in all age groups, younger women outpace their older counterparts.

The reason? People are choosing cohabitation over marriage at alarming rates.

But, one of the most interesting findings of the study is that cohabitating, often seen as a “step in the right direction,” can actually do as much harm to children in cohabitating households as to children headed by single mother households. Children in cohabitating relationships (versus those in married households) are more likely to:

1) Be poor

2) Have inadequate access to food & health care

3) Have literacy issues

4) Have disciplinary problems

Interestingly, these are the same issues faced by children of single-mother households but to a lesser degree.

So what’s the benefit?

Ms. No Single Mama Drama Mouths Off on the Subject.

Peace, love and blessings and, of course, keep it drama free.

Ms. No Single Mama Drama
Got questions? Ask Me!