Relationship Drama: 5 Ways to Get Over Your Ex?
Got dumped? Can’t get over it? You’re not alone. Rejection never feels good, but, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining: If the relationship wasn’t healthy or going anywhere, then chances are the breakup is a blessing in disguise–even if the breakup wasn’t your idea. Even though you didn’t want the breakup, you may know, underneath the pain of rejection, that breaking up is the best thing for the both of you. Either way, here are some effective tips for getting over the relationship fast:
#1) The Relationship is Over–Accept It and Move On.
Initially, you may be angry, hurt and disappointed that the relationship wasn’t successful. Your feelings are normal and expected. Therefore, experience those feelings authentically: cry, shout and pout, if you have to–but only for a little while. You are entitled.
What Not To Do:
Don’t play desperate and start begging your ex to get back together. If someone says they don’t love you anymore; they need more space; or, they aren’t ready for a committed relationship, believe them. Don’t be desperate Dorine, calling his house 50 billion times, blowing him up with text messages, and “conveniently” showing up and his favorite spots. Desperate (and drama) is so not the new sexy. As bad as you may feel, these post-breakup feelings are temporary. Accept the breakup and move on with your life.
#2) Give Yourself Space and Time to Grieve
Depending on how long and close the relationship was, it can feel like your best friend or relative died. You need to understand that getting over any relationship of significance, especially if it’s your child(ren)’s father, is going to take some time. Give yourself a specific amount of time to go through the first stage of relationship grief, denial and pain, which usually takes 1-2 weeks, but could take longer depending on the relationship. Then, after you’ve given yourself time to grieve, get back to you.
What Not Do:
Don’t hang on to your grief for too long. Don’t hang onto the relationship, either. Keep the memories, but remove all mementos that take you back to the relationship and stir up the hurt again. Give them up, get them out or give them away…but get it done already. Holding on to stuff he gave you will only keep you from moving forward.
Desperate (and drama) is so not the new sexy.
#3) Forgive Him, Forgive Yourself and Forget the Hurt
After a breakup, you will be angry and hurt; however, after you have gone through the relationship grieving process, you need to forgive your ex and yourself for your mistakes in the relationship. A breakup is never just one person’s fault, even if only one person wanted the breakup. It takes two to make a relationship happy, just like it takes two to break it up. Be accountable for your part in it, forgive yourself (and your ex) and keep it moving.
What Not To Do:
Do not become Angry Angie by holding onto the pain that you become resentful, hostile, bitter and a man-hater. And do not hold all men accountable for what one man did. Do not plot revenge against your ex and his new flame–all that says is that you are a mental case and justifies his reason for ending the relationship in the first place. So keep your fantasies about cutting up and bleaching his clothes and slashing his tires in fantasyland where they belong. Acting out might feel good at the moment but will hurt you (not just him) in the future.
#4) Get Up, Get Out and Get a New Life Already!
After a fresh breakup, it’s easy to sink into a funk or mini depression, but don’t. The best thing to do is to get up out of the bed, get out of the house and get back to your pre-relationship life, whatever that was. The busier you are, the less you will think about your ex and the reasons the relationship went wrong.
What Not To Do:
What’s love got to do with it? Nothing right now!! Do not sit in the house watching relationship comedies, listening to “our (love) songs” and looking at pictures of the two of you in happier times. Do not give your ex one more second of your life or time–after all, the relationship ended on his terms, so why are you continuing to hold on to an emotional connection? Keeping yourself emotionally connected to someone who caused you pain is unhealthy and gives your ex too much power. Take control, get emotionally balanced and keep it moving. You’ll be glad you did.
#5) Go Out With the Girls
Since you’ve been in a relationship, chances are you haven’t been spending quality time with the girls–you were too busy hanging with your boo, right? Well, now that boo is out the picture, you have time to rediscover your gal pals. Use the time to get reconnected and learn about what’s going on in their lives and careers. It just might be the pick-me-up that you need.
What Not To Do:
Because the breakup is fresh, you might still be in a hurting place. Don’t spoil the time with your friends by sulking or talking about how you were hurt or how hard it’s been trying to get over it. Don’t turn this into a man-bashing session, either. Try to stay away from relationship issues altogether and, if one of your friends is insensitive enough to bring the topic up, handle it like a trooper and keep it moving. And, if one of your friends just started a new relationship or her relationship is going to the next level, don’t throw salt in her game. Be a friend and be happy for her. No one likes a hater, even if it’s understandable.
Now that you have some tips on how to get over your ex (especially that baby daddy of yours:-), get out there and enjoy your life. Life is short, live it up!
Here are some excellent relationship books. If you haven’t read them, please do. There’s nothing like gaining additional insight into what healthy relationships looks like, so when you get another chance at love, you’ll have more than a fighting chance!
Excerpts are available (usually the first chapter) for all the books listed below by clicking the link:
The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Gary Chapman) $8.95
His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage (Willard F. Harley) $13.59