X-Mas Love: 4 Things to Consider Before He Meets Your Kids
With the holidays fast approaching, you might be considering introducing your new him to your children, right? After all, it’s the holiday season and you want to enjoy the holidays with all your loved ones, including your new man.
But before you get caught up in the a holiday feel- good moment, as a single mother, here are four things to consider before introducing your new man to the children this holiday season:
(1) How Well Do You Know Him?
Your children are precious and innocent gifts from God. Therefore, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are providing a safe, happy and secure home. If you don’t know this gentleman well, do you really think it’s a good idea to expose this man to your most precious gifts?
If you’re not sure about this man’s character or intentions, it’s best not to introduce him to your children this holiday season. Instead, allow the relationship to develop slowly and naturally. Should things work out, there will be plenty of opportunities in the future for him to meet your children. If things don’t workout, you’ve saved your children from mis-attachment–attaching themselves to someone who isn’t worthy. Remember, kids go through heartbreak, too.
(2) How Long Have You Known Him?
Every man that walks into your life is not worthy of meeting your children, especially someone you haven’t known for very long. I’m a firm believer that, even under the best circumstances, it takes at least a minimum of six months before people are comfortable with one another to show their true selves.
This is not to say that people are purposefully being deceitful in the beginning of a relationship, but the two of you are in the “getting to know one another” stage. Naturally, as you learn more about the person, you will feel more comfortable in allowing the other person into the most private areas of your heart and life.
While every person, circumstance and relationship is different, I generally recommended waiting six months to a year, before introducing your children to your man. Yes, it might be inconvenient for you and your man, but as a single mother, your first priority is the welfare of your children. So, if you and your new man have to be inconvenienced, so be it. Plus, taking it slow allows you the chance to see if this man is even worthy of meeting your God-given gifts: your children.
(3) How Serious is the Relationship?
Is this man a Mr. Right Now? If so, why bother introducing him to your children? While most of us can’t predict the duration of a relationship, most of the time, we know if he’s a keeper or not. That’s what red flags are for. Don’t disillusion yourself by making the relationship out to be more serious than it is, either. If it’s just a fling, keep it in flingdom and keep it away from your children’s lives and realities.
(4) Is He Good for You and Your Children?
Not every man is good for your children. Just because he’s good to you, it doesn’t mean he’s good for you or your children. A good man with a good heart may not be ready for all that a single mother and her children need him to be. It doesn’t mean that he can’t add value to your life as a friend, but you need to clearly define what role he is to play in your and your children’s lives. Don’t get caught up in he’s a nice guy and make him something he’s not.
On the other hand, if the man has some suspect behavior, meaning red flags are popping up all the time with regard to his character and morals, why are you allowing this person into your life? And, more importantly, why are you even considering allowing this chump to meet your children? If he’s lying, cheating, being inconsistent or abusive to you in the beginning, do you really think it’s going to get any better? This man is not good for you or your children, so don’t even bother introducing him. As they say, you can do bad all by yourself. And, you and your children are better off without this kind of negative energy.
Now that you’ve considered these four things, still think he’s worthy of meeting your children? Let me know your thoughts right here:
(1) Are you planning on introducing your man to your children this holiday season? If so, how are you going to do it?
(2) Think six months to a year is way too long or not long enough to wait before introducing the new guy to your children? If so, how long do you recommend waiting before introducing your children to a new love?
(3) Got any other tips for introducing children to a new man?